gah, the stupid rain woke me up again. not very happy about this since i really needed this recuperation time. [ i have a cold * sniff sniff cough cough * ]
ever since i was small, the rain and i, we had a love-hate relationship. in malaysia, during the monsoon seasons which rained almost everyday, i would get out my little green frog umbrella and fly away to dance in the rain. everything was simple then, just kindy, eating, sleeping and tv. you could say i wasn't a very productive kid back then.
but now, i wish it wouldnt rain so much. apart from being cold and sick, i have to deal with " lonely " as well. cold and sick i can stand cause i know it wouldnt last if i just stay in duvet with a warm cup of milo but lonely.. i'm not quite sure about that. the rain, it seems to me, just intesifies the loneliness inside of me. thats why, i dont like to be alone, i would always try to find someone to call on the phone, but most of the time, i would just sit in the corner, clutching the phone in my hand and ask myself :: who really cares?
who really cares that im feeling lonely and unattractive at the moment? who cares that i screwed up my maths test? who cares that my cat is choking on a piece of furniture? .... yeah, who cares?
its extremely tempting to call my mum and tell her i wanna go back to m'sia this year.. extremely.. but dammit, i need to complete year 11 first. by then, i dont think i wanna go anymore..
its a bad bad thing to live your life in the past. holding on to something you shouldnt be holding on to just because a memory reminds you of the " good times " together. sure, we still have good times, but things have change... people have change... including me...
its times like these that make me really miss my parents. the only people in the world who would bring me out at 4am in the morning for breakfast cause i was too hungry to sleep or let me buy anything i want within good reasons and behaviours.
i began to see myself doing little things that my mum or dad would do, like insisting on ken making porridge for me when im sick [ cause thats what my mum would have done ] or making red eggs for birthdays... it just makes me feel better...familiarity is always a good thing...
i miss mum and dad, william and alex, michelle and jin, the stinky two turtles, beautiful piano, astro and curry maggie mee and crazy texting...
it truly sucks...
ever since i was small, the rain and i, we had a love-hate relationship. in malaysia, during the monsoon seasons which rained almost everyday, i would get out my little green frog umbrella and fly away to dance in the rain. everything was simple then, just kindy, eating, sleeping and tv. you could say i wasn't a very productive kid back then.
but now, i wish it wouldnt rain so much. apart from being cold and sick, i have to deal with " lonely " as well. cold and sick i can stand cause i know it wouldnt last if i just stay in duvet with a warm cup of milo but lonely.. i'm not quite sure about that. the rain, it seems to me, just intesifies the loneliness inside of me. thats why, i dont like to be alone, i would always try to find someone to call on the phone, but most of the time, i would just sit in the corner, clutching the phone in my hand and ask myself :: who really cares?
who really cares that im feeling lonely and unattractive at the moment? who cares that i screwed up my maths test? who cares that my cat is choking on a piece of furniture? .... yeah, who cares?
its extremely tempting to call my mum and tell her i wanna go back to m'sia this year.. extremely.. but dammit, i need to complete year 11 first. by then, i dont think i wanna go anymore..
its a bad bad thing to live your life in the past. holding on to something you shouldnt be holding on to just because a memory reminds you of the " good times " together. sure, we still have good times, but things have change... people have change... including me...
its times like these that make me really miss my parents. the only people in the world who would bring me out at 4am in the morning for breakfast cause i was too hungry to sleep or let me buy anything i want within good reasons and behaviours.
i began to see myself doing little things that my mum or dad would do, like insisting on ken making porridge for me when im sick [ cause thats what my mum would have done ] or making red eggs for birthdays... it just makes me feel better...familiarity is always a good thing...
i miss mum and dad, william and alex, michelle and jin, the stinky two turtles, beautiful piano, astro and curry maggie mee and crazy texting...
it truly sucks...
posted by a_little_bit_sa at
3/03/2006 11:26:00 PM
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